Daily Lessons

Lesson #1 - Don't drive in a convertible with the top down in the pacific northwest.

Now I know why no one in Oregon drives a convertible. It rains. All of the time. Of course you might not notice it unless you're stupid enough to drive down the road in a convertible with the top down.

Yes, I am that stupid. In my own defense, it wasn't raining when I left the rental car place. In fact, the sun was shining and there wasn't a dark cloud in the sky. It's been a year since I was in Oregon and I had forgotten just how quickly the weather changes.

I was warned in advance. Driving out of the rental area there was a very nice man named Hal that asked to check my driver's license. He looked at it and said, "Well that explains that."

"Explains what?" I asked.

"You're from Colorado. That explains why you have the top down."

That was Hal's way of saying "You ain't from around here, are ya boy?"

I looked around at the beautiful sunny sky and said, "Hal, baby, it's a gorgeous day!"

Hal snorted, handed my license back to me, turned away and mumbled, "Enjoy the weather, baby."

My traveling companion, Badger Boy, wondered aloud, "I wonder if Hal knows something we don't?"

"Nah, he's just embarrassed I called him 'baby'."

Apparently, Hal can see into the future. Five minutes later we were cruising south on the interstate. The sky turned black and the heavens opened up. I don't mean opening up to reveal the angels of Heaven on Harleys, I mean opened up and began pouring buckets of water from on high.

Lesson #2: - Don't try to raise the top of a convertible while driving down the interstate.

Now this may seem like a stupid idea to even consider but it was only a Ford Mustang and I figured Badger Boy could handle it. The cool part was I had never been in a car that left the ground without driving off of the road. Anybody could do that.

I assumed all was going well until I heard shouting behind me. I really couldn't make out the words. Well, hell, of course not! How could I be expected to hear with all that wind and rain in my ears?

I glanced in the rear view mirror and noticed Badger Boy's ass blocking my view. I turned around and watched him wrestling with the convertible top. He was looking back at me yelling something, but as I just mentioned, I couldn't hear jack.

Lesson #3: - Don't turn around for extended periods of time while driving.

I figured I should probably pull over so I could hear what he was jabbering about and when I turned back around to face the road, I was already on the side of the road heading down an exit ramp at 80 miles an hour.

Now I don't mind an intelligent car but the least it could have down was slow down.

One quick slam on the brakes and a three-sixty degree spin later, we had pulled over, and Badger Boy was back in the front seat, but with his feet sticking up in the air. He got himself turned upright (with a great deal of huffing, puffing and cursing) and started calling my mother all sorts of names. He hasn't even met my mother.

Lesson #4 - Don't go driving with guys from Wisconsin.

They can't even handle basic problem-solving.