Say Please

I stood in line behind a middle-aged chick today at Starbucks. Yes, I spend a lot of time there. I really go for the crappy music they pipe through the rafters and then try to sell you in CD format at the counter.

Frontier Airlines almost does the same thing on their flights. If you don’t want to pay for the DirecTV service they offer they do leave one channel on for you. It’s got movie shorts and music videos.

The movie shorts are something out of a Cannes Film Festival nightmare. Wait. I mis-spoke. Nightmare is the wrong term since you don’t have to go to sleep to experience it. Daymare?

The music videos aren’t gonna be in the top ten list on MTV or VH1 any time soon. And if they are, it’s time for me to move to Canada with Alec Baldwin. God I hope that never happens.

So………….here I was, hanging behind middle-aged Annie. The Starbucks frau is very polite, welcomes Annie to Starbucks and asks how she can help her.

Annie responds (this is her entire side in the conversation), “I want a latte. And a banana chocolate chip muffin.”

No “Good morning” or “Hi, I’d LIKE a latte and a banana chocolate chip muffin, PLEASE.”

Annie is a member of the “I’M A RUDE JACKASS” club. They really should get t-shirts or hats or something. Then at least the folks behind the counter and the folks behind them in line could identify them at a distance and prepare.

Teenagers are given automatic entry to this club by virtue of being young, stupid, obnoxious, and, well, teenagers. I wonder if the older folks have to fill out an application.

Membership in this club increases daily.

I’m gonna look into having buttons made (yes, at my expense) and carry them with me. If I meet one of the members of this club and I do not see a t-shirt or hat on their person I’ll hand them a button.

I’m not talking about being rude when the jockey on the other side of the counter (or desk) deserves it. Hell, I do that all the time!

But not everyone deserves rudeness. We should be able to tell (at least the older folks) who deserves our wrath and who doesn’t.

Those older folks that can’t differentiate are nothing more than chronologically-challenged teenagers. These are usually high school students that got a high school job, left high school (either voluntarily or involuntarily) got older but still have a high school job. The only thing that changes is their age.

Admit it, we all know folks like this.

Anyway, I’ve added this to my personal job description. If you’re bein’ a rude jackass to someone that doesn’t deserve it then I’m gonna button you.

Yes, I get to decide. Who better than me to decide appropriate and inappropriate rudeness?

The cool thing about my job description is that I make it. I can add to it, remove items or modify it anytime I want. The un-cool thing about my job description is that I don’t get paid for doing any of the items on the list.

Oh well, someone's got to do it.